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Photo Credit: All Elite Wrestling

“Hail, Mighty Caesar”- AEW Dynamite Results and Review (4 March)

Hello AW Universe,

The debut of a legend and some drawn out muggings highlighted tonight’s show.

Here is a recap and reactions to the 4 March of AEW Dynamite.


Fast-Count Results

SCU & Colt Cabana d. The Dark Order 

Big Swole d. Leva Bates (w/Peter Avalon)

Pac d. Chuck Taylor (w/Trent and Orange Cassidy)

Jake Hager (w/Santana & Ortiz) d. QT Marshall (w/Brandi and Dustin Rhodes) 

Chris Jericho & Sammy Guevara d. AEW Champion Jon Moxley & Darby Allin


Rundown

The new AEW Champion Jon Moxley hits the ring to start the show, cutting a standard intense-babyface promo saying that the AEW fans are the real champions and calling out everyone in the locker room, welcoming all challengers. This then prompts Chris Jericho to come out with the rest of The Inner Circle. He heels off on the crowd while the echoes of pretty much all of them enthusiastically singing along to “Judas” ebb away, before arrogantly claiming that Mox won’t be walking away under his own power after their tag match later. In fact, he’s so confident about it that he says he (Jericho) will take a sixty-day leave from AEW should Moxley do so.

We then get the first match of the night, with Colt Cabana making his Dynamite debut after first appearing at Revolution. It’s a fairly entertaining eight-man match, with tandem spots and brawls. The babyfaces pick up the win after Cabana hits the Chicago Skyline and Superman pin on Alex Reynolds, and Evil Uno screams into a mic after that the match didn’t go according to plan and that “The Exalted One” will be arriving soon– which prompts a smattering of “DELETE” chants– and that, when he does, “heads will roll.” Matt Hardy can’y get here soon enough. The Dark Order keep losing all look like a bunch of jobber punks in weird masks.

We get another one the weird segments where Dr. Britt Baker (DID. YOU. KNOW. SHE’S. A. DENTIST??) heels off on commentary after she brings Schiavone a Starbucks drink that she claims is Tony’s favourite “skinny vanilla, no-whip,” but it’s clearly just an empty cup. Schiavone then of course lays it on thick on Baker, while Baker puts herself over while no-selling the wrestlers and completely burying the fucking match in the ring. I know this is a frequent gripe of mine, but the AEW women’s division is already weak and trashed enough, so at least act like there’s some effort being put into trying to get it over. Baker and Schiavone can’t flirt as JR squirms and Excalibur literally says jack-shit– oh, other than putting JR’s new book over, of course— in any other match on the card? Whatever. If they don’t care about the Women’s Division outside of Nyla Rose, why should we?

Cody makes his elaborate entrance and cuts a promo in the ring, wearing his finest film noir trench-coat. He demands that MJF come to the ring to tell Cody that “he won fair and square.” Instead, we get Jake “The Snake” Roberts who receives a huge pop. It’s a huge surprise, and he comes to the ring to cut a pretty scathing promo on Cody, telling him he’s whining after losing to MJF before quickly shifting to claim that that isn’t the reason he’s come to AEW, but instead mockingly calling Cody “Caesar” and that “I’m not here to praise you, I’m here to slay you.” He tells Cody that he has a new client, The Darkside– So now we have him and The Dark Order?– and that he’ll destroy Cody. He then wraps it all up with the wicked line of, “a wise man once told me: never turn your back on someone you respect, or someone you’re afraid of.” He then turns his back to Cody and toss the mic over his should to him.

It was a masterclass in how to cut a vicious heel promo without screaming into the mic or being too over-the-top; it was perfectly measured-yet-intense.

We then get the Chuck Taylor vs. Pac match. Before the match even gets underway, JR completely buries Taylor’s physique saying, “is this how Chuck Taylor’s going to look for 2020? I mean, that’s fine but he has the frame so he could add some ‘power’ to it.” Damn, JR. Then he and Excalibur measure dicks as to how has the move impressive wrestling lexicon. Settle down there, boys. Anyway, the match is fairly competitive but Pac earns the submission victory after kicking out of a corner Tiger Driver, then moving out of the way of a Moonsault, and locking in The Brutaliser. Trent and Cassidy then step into the ring, prompting The Lucha Bros to hit the ring, help Pac beat the shit out of Best Friends, before “The Bastard” proclaims that the three of them are now “Death Triangle.” So yet another trio/faction in AEW… I can’t keep up anymore.

QT Marshall comes out with Brandi and Dustin and we’re told that we’ll find out how he’s part of the Nightmare Family after the break, but that never happens. It’s an alright match, but acts as a glorified squash match, with Hager winning with his Triangle Hold again, as is mainly used to have a series of run-ins: Cody comes down first– still wearing his trench-coat for some reason– as Dustin is getting beat up, only to be overwhelmed– and never loses his jacket– prompting Matt Jackson to come down, who quickly gets beat up too. This finally prompts “Hangman” Adam Page to hit the ring with half a beer, which he takes the time to carefully put down on the ring post before completely cleaning house and hitting a wicked Buckshot lariat on Hager and finishes chugging his beer. As the faces stand tall, Matt Jackson tries to make amends, but Page just straight up flips him off. I can’t get over how much I relate to this Young Bucks-aimed loathing. Amazing.

There’s an MJF vignette putting himself over after his victory over Cody, telling the AEW faithful that he’s the “new author of AEW” and that he had plenty of ink to write his legacy, calling out Moxley for the title, before removing his jacket and revealing a “I Pinned Cody” t-shirt. He then totally bury Cody’s horrendous neck tattoo. That should be a face-turn.

We come back from commercial for the main event, but it’s a second too soon as we once again hear the crowd counting out of the break. Sigh, AEW.

As for the match, Mox makes his super crazy entrance last and is jumped by three masked figures during it, soon revealed to be Hager, Santana, and Ortiz. They then mug Mox in the foyer, in a segment that lasts way too long until Hager locks in his frickin Triangle hold.

This sets up the match to be a handicap match, and is a fantastic babyface heat-builder for Allin, who fights from underneath the entire time and looks great. He survives a Walls of Jericho, and some mugging on the outside after Hager, Ortiz, and Santana make their way to ringside. Allin gets some frequent flurries in after being dominated, and gets his last one in after “tagging” himself in, hitting Guevara with a flurry off punches and a quick Canadian Destroyer, before hitting Coffin Drop on the entire Inner Circle on the outside. He then hits a Stunner and a Coffin Drop on Guevara in the ring, earning a solid near-fall before sending Jericho over the top-rope and attempting a Tope Suicida on him, only to eat a Judas Effect while in mid-air, causing him to eat the pin from the Lamest Member of the AEW Roster, Sammy Guevara.

Moxley then hits the ring with a chair, but he’s eventually clotheslined by Hager, brought up to the top of the ramp and, in a very funny and “oh my god you guys are so meta!” and hit Mox with a Shield Triple Powerbomb off the stage and through a table. Then, instead of fist bumping, The Inner Circle all put their collective middle fingers together as the show goes off the air.

The highlight of the show was no doubt Jake Roberts’ promo; man the guy has not lost a step on the mic, and Darby Allin was given some strong booking. The rest of the matches weren’t anything special, and there were just a lot of highlight packages from Revolution sprinkled in throughout the night. There was far too much Inner Circle, and if I have to hear the commentators put over Hager’s fucking undefeated MMA record (2-0 guys!) again, I’m putting myself in a Triangle hold.

Also, wasn’t Lance Archer supposed to debut?