It’s the final Raw before the TLC PPV this Sunday. Rey Mysterio defends his United States Championship.
Divorce Contract Signing
We start off the show with a divorce in the middle of the ring on live TV.
Having Jerry Lawler hosting this segment is hilarious.
Lana comes out with a lawyer. Jerry reads a statement that explains that Lana has waived the distance clause in her restraining order. This is important because it makes this more believeable.
Rusev comes out and is all smiles. He’s also wearing a Donald Duck tshirt.
Lana blames the WWE Universe for the demise of their marriage. There’s a sign behind her that says “Ight Imma Head Out”. Perfect.
Lana keeps talking and it’s getting beyond awful.
All Rusev wants to do is sign the papers.
Lana signs first (after so much more talking).
Rusev has one last thing before signing.
Lana talks talks talks
Rusev wants a match against Bobby Lashley (here’s that realism I was talking about).
That brings out Bobby Lashley. Tells Rusev that after the divorce is final he’s going to marry Lana. Rusev doesn’t care.
Rusev finally signs the divorce papers and Bobby Lashley attacks him. Rusev puts him into the table.
Thankfully this is over. Nearly 20 minutes of my life…gone.
Kevin Owens is interviewed backstage about being attacked by AOP. He says Seth Rollins is their mastermind. He bumps into Rey Mysterio and Rey gives him his tape wrapped pipe for protection.
Match #1: Singles Match
Matt Hardy v Drew McIntyre
Before their match Drew McIntyre wants to announce good news. He announces thst Matt Hardy and his wife had a new baby.
He then says he hopes that kid doesn’t make the same mistakes the Hardy’s have in their past. Matt attacks him as he enters the ring. So of course they cut to commercial.
Matt Hardy gets all of his moves in but it doesn’t matter. Drew McIntyre lands two big moves and this is over.
Match End: Drew McIntyre pins Matt Hardy after hitting the Claymore Kick
“Jerry “The King” Lawler looks like an angry potato” – My Wife
Charlotte Flair is shown backstage in the same locker room as Becky Lynch. She asks Becky is she will team up with her to take on the Kabuki Warriors. Becky decides to take them on 2-on-1 instead.
Kevin Owens is stopped backstage by Mojo and says something stupid. Owens slaps the taste out of his mouth.
The Viking Raiders head to the ring and issue an open challenge. The Street Profits answer the call!
Match #2: RAW Tag Team Championship Match
Viking Raiders(c) v Street Profits
They had a commercial break before the match started. When they come back they announce that Bautista is going to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.
Then the match starts and these two teams flashback to their NXT days early. Wait, I mean this is the first time ever these team have faced off (on RAW). They actually says these words on tv. C’mon.
This one was flashy, but didn’t last long.
Match End: Viking Raiders retain the Raw Tag Team Championship
As the teams show some respect Seth Rollins heads to the ring and grabs a mic.
Rollins says he’s got to deal with something, but both teams can stay in the ring if they’d like. Both teams just take off looking disgruntled.
Seth is looking to fight AOP. Instead he gets Kevin Owens.
Owens says get to the point and get AOP out here so all 3 of them can jump Owens. The Tron cuts to AOP arriving in their giant SUV.
Cut to commercial.
After the break Owens threatens Rollins with the pipe…obviously killing time before AOP comes out.
Owens calls out AOP again. They show up on the screen and say some stuff in their languages.
Then Sami Zayn heads out with Mojo Rawley. He has to explain to the crowd that he now has a “manager license” so he can appear on both shows now. (my goodness)
Mojo was humiliated by Owens and wants an apology.
This goes on WAY too long. Way way way way way too long. Thankfully Owens stuns Mojo and then beats him with the pipe. Thankfully this stupid segment ends.
Match #3: Singles Match
Aleister Black v Akira Tozawa
Match End: Aleister Black wins
Promo straight up telling all of us that Humberto Carrillo is going to be the face (heh) of WWE for a looooong time. Andrade busts into frame and getting in Humberto’s face and apparently challenges him to a match tonight.
Match #4: Singles Match
Andrade w/Zelina Vega v Humberto Carrillo
Get used to hearing this when Humberta comes out: “How big of a match is this for Carrillo?” perfect line for the superface.
These two are so good in the ring together, I hope they find a refreshing way to have a long term rivalry.
Andrade pushes Humberto into Zelina and then gets distracted.
Match End: Humberto Carrillo rolls up Andrade and wins the match
After the match Andrade and Vega argue about who was at fault.
Rey Mysterio tells us all the story so far of his recent run.
Kevin Owens is heading toward the AOP van.
Match #5: Singles Match
Buddy Murphy v Zack Ryder w/Curt Hawkins
Full disclosure here, I fast forwarded this match.
Match End: Buddy Murphy won
Kevin Owens smashes the van with his pipe. Then he’s attacked by AOP just as gets his hands on someone inside the van.
The mysterious person in the van reveals himself to be….Seth Rollins! Rollins stomps Owens on the concrete floor! Then does a full heel turn and walks away with AOP.
Not wasting any time here Seth Rollins gets a microphone and heads to the stage to explain himself.
Holy smokes this is the best promo Rollins has had in a long time. Fire!
Kevin Owens is taken to a hospital via ambulance. Maybe…if they can get his into the ambulance properly. Realism.
Match #6: 2-on-1 Match
RAW Woman’s Champion Becky Lynch v WWE Woman’s Tag Team Champions The Kabuki Warriors
Not sure how I feel about the tag champs being beat up two weeks in a row by the two top women in the division. The numbers game being their only advantage instead of how badass they are on their own. Strange booking.
Match End: Asuka hits Becky with a chair ending the match in DQ
After the match Kairi Sane hits her Elbow Drop on Lynch through a table! Amazing visual!
The OC are backstage talking about how awesome they are. Calling out the Viking Raiders and telling Randy Orton to stay out of it. Quick nWo reference here as well. Nice.
Speaking of the nWo, they show a quick video announcing that some (not all) of the members of the nWo are being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. So awesome.
Backstage Charlotte is very cheeky in congratulating Becky on her match. As she walks out of the room she’s attacked by The Kabuki Warriors and left laying.
Maybe I was wrong about the booking making them look weak.
Match #7: Singles Match
Erick Rowan v some guy
The kid runs out of the ring and grabs the cage and runs with it up the ramp. Trying to get Rowan counted out. It’s doesn’t work. He gets a beating.
Match End: Rowan KO’s this guy
No one actually cares what’s in the cage. Stop it.
The Kabuki Warriors are interviewed backstage…they challenge Charlotte and Becky to a tag title match at TLC!
After the break Charlotte and Becky accept the challenge, but want it to be a TLC match!
Street Profits have a segment called “The Monday After Weekend Update”.
Pop culture jokes mixed with the match card for TLC mixed with canned laughter. They even get in a dick joke.
Main Event: United States Championship Match
AJ Styles v Rey Mysterio (c)
Some days Rey Mysterio seems to be immune to time. He’s been so good for so long it’s hard to wrap your head around his career.
AJ Styles is an absolute pro, and it’s hard to imagine WWE without him at this point. Shame it took him so long to make it to where he is now.
Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson eventually make their way to ringside. When will Randy Orton show up?
This has been such a good match! False count outs, kickouts, big moves, and of course outside interference.
The OC sacrifice themselves to save AJ, then AJ hits the Styles Clash.
Randy Orton slithers into the ring but doesn’t do anything except distract AJ.
The RAW is over bug is at the bottom of the screen signalling the end of the show but this match is still happening.
Quickly Rey rolls up Styles.
Match End: Rey Mysterio retains the United States Championship
The show ends as they announce the winner of the match…cutting it too close boys!
Decent show. Didn’t feel like work to watch tonight.